Rules for Working with Ordnancemen
Rule # 1: Always trust an Ordnanceman…they only lie for your own good.
Rule # 2: Never under any circumstances leave a woman unattended while there are Ordnancemen in the vicinity; except possibly Grandmas and small female children.
Rule # 3: Foul language is a trait inherent to Ordnancemen. Please don't be offended by it; they don't realize they can be offensive unless they try.
Rule # 4: Do not turn your back on an open or unopened alcoholic beverage.
Rule # 5: Always let an Ordnanceman drive, they know where they are going.
Rule # 6: Never let an Ordnanceman file anything!
Rule # 7: Do not attempt to scare an Ordnanceman; you never know what they may have in their hands…i.e. guns, munitions…beer.
Rule # 8: Ordnancemen always say what's on their mind. Feel free to be offended when you leave.
Rule # 9: Do not embarrass Ordnancemen; they do it very well on their own.
Rule # 10: Warning: If an Ordnanceman breaks into a dead run for no apparent reason, please try to keep up.
Rule # 11: Ordnancemen are very supportive of the self-help program.
Rule # 12: Tuxedoes, Winter Service "A", suits and shined boots/oxfords are not acceptable dress for Ordnance functions.
Rule # 13: Unattended women are always welcomed at Ordnancemen's social functions. (Refer to rule # 2)
Rule # 14: If it don't go "BOOM"…it's a dirt problem.
Rule # 15: Ordnancemen are the most loyal in the military. Treat them fairly, treat them well, and they'll kill or die for you. They may even invite you to an Ordnance social function.
#16 Ordnancemen are usually fast and nervous... the latter a result of the former.
#17 Ordnancemen usually think 'n act like they're better than everyone else... because they are.
#18 Anyone who thinks Evelyn Woodhead invented 'speed reading' has never heard an Ordnance Team Leader read a Loading Checklist.
#19 Ordnancemen adhere to the 3 basic food groups: The Caffeine Group, the Nicotine Group and the Alcohol Group.
#20 If an Ordnanceman tells you 'there's a problem'... Believe 'em... 'n let 'em solve it in their own good time.
How Jack Nicholson's famous "A Few Good Men" speech should have sounded if he were able to be an Ordie:
Son, we live in a World that needs ordnance , and that ordnance needs to be accounted for and assembled by people in bomb dumps. Who's gonna do it, you? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for bombs on time and you curse the ordies who have to provide them . You have that luxury, you have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That munitions shortages and delays, while tragic, were probably the result of poor acquisitioning decisions and inadequate planning, and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you...make an aircraft a combat aircraft and not a aeronautical sports car ! You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at maintenance meetings, you WANT me in that bomb dump, you NEED me in that bombdump! We use words like JDAM , JSOW , Sidewinder ....we use these words as the backbone of a life spent supporting squadrons ; you use them as a punchline! I have neither the time, nor the inclination to explain myself to a person who flies the aircraft with the very bombs I provide, AND THEN QUESTIONS THE MANNER IN WHICH I PROVIDE THEM ! I would rather you just said thank you and went on your way; otherwise I suggest you find your own ordnance . Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.