Marine Corps
The Origin of Top
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
Part 16
Part 17
Part 18
19 -Missing
Part 20

The Origin of Top

Part I

Roy "Cannonball" has been a busy writer these last few weeks, and has churned out quite a descriptive tale of the "Origin of Top" for the readers on Sgt Grit's Marine Forums. Since the tales have been getting lost in the archives, I have collected them here, and with Roy's permission will leave them available for reading.

And it came to pass that Topicus, the mother of Zena, was abiding in the valley under the great blue mountains. She had to journey north on a quest for justice. She was guided only by the great star to the north. "That's pretty cool" she thought "it seems that if I follow that star I head north. It shall be called the north star." She was seeking John the Pennsylvanian. John the Pennsylvanian wandered in the wilderness which would become the land of Milk and Honey with John the Pennsylvanian's exit (and in some faraway time in the future would become the land of linebackers and coal miners). His friend called him "John the Penn" and sometimes just J.P. Well, J.P. was known to work in the mud pits. J.P. said that he actually made pot-try but for those who knew, he just played in the mud.

John the Pennesylvanian wore a robe that appeared to be castoff WWII type Army OD cloth (he couldn't afford the finer sackcloth). No amount of scraggly beard or matted hair could hide his evil intentions. J.P. was was siting on the edges of the mud pit, wriggling his toes in the warm mud, having his usual lunch of Locusts and Pabst Blue Ribbon when Topicus fell upon him! She went in swinging her mighty scimitar (it was really a baseball bat). "Where be the the tiny maiden woman thy call Bufficus, you scoundrel (sh*thead!)?" Brother J.P. cried, "My Gawd women!! What be thy problem?? All I said was that she can DRIVE the damned chariot. She can't chunk no spear far enough. She ain't got no childhood bow training or nothing! It ain't like she can't serve by fixing manna, cleaning stables and stuff! What a grouch!"

With that Topicus smote John the Pennsylvanian up side the head, rendering him addled. (Some try to say that was a pre-existing condition but the Louisville Slugger imprint along side his head says otherwise.) She did smite him all about the body, locusts flew one way, Pabst Blue ribbon another and J.P. hit the mud. Then the diminutive Bufficus arose from J.P.'s steamy fighting hole deep in the mud pits and looked upon the mighty Topicus. Topicus spake, "Come on girl, you be out of the bondage!". The tiny Bufficus spake back, "I didn't know I was in no bondage but I would follow that beautiful blue robe, golden stripes and red piping to Hell and Back!" (Whoops,that is another story)

"What be thy name?" asked Bufficus.

"TOPICUS"! Roared the mighty lioness. This scared the hell out of the awestruck Bufficus who could only mumble "Topi....Topi...."

"Oh hell girl ,just call me "Top"!

(Thus, down through the centuries "Top" became know as some one that you don't mess around with. Found a home permanent home in the United States Marine Corps sometime after 1776. There millions of stories about Marine Corps Tops, this has been one of them.)

Royal P.I.T.A.

e-mail Jim
created: Aug 8, 2003
Modified August 20, 2003