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The Origin of Top
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The Origin of Top

Part XVI


Excerpted from: The Mother of All Battles When They Tried to Flank Topicus

Before the modern Santa and way back in the days of the forming of civilized world, and thereby creation of organized armed forces to kill each other, there was an Old, Old, Ancient warrior called Santa Gunny. He went about in an Olive Drab sleigh, with splotches of beige, pulled by seven flying government mules (hell, I don't know what government, but you gotta have a government doing something to the 'peeple'). He had a huge bag in the back of the sleigh filled with all manner of weapons and munitions. He flew through the air saying stuff like HO, HO @$#%^&((*&%%&$^&**^%$^&*%#$@%$$^ HO ! The first of many graphic, descriptive words invented, and passed along to all warriors, by Gunny’s down through the centuries.

He had heard of much squabbling amongst several bands of warriors. They were headed from several directions and all converging together at the borders of the rattlesnake country and the Land O’ Dust to their north. The ragtag bunch from other lands were still chasing a small, but fierce, band of Wimmin Warriors. Gunny Santa could see that this convergence would be deadly! He descended into the middle of the intended battlefield in a cloud of dust and loud admonishments. He spake in a loud voice “Just a ^%*&*^*&%& minute people! HO HO!...HO! I bringeth Peace! You WILL have peace.” Then a voice from the ragtag crew of wandering warriors, Slinger I believe, says, “Why, yeah old man, I want a piece!” Then another, probably The Tracker, shoulders his way into the middle of the crowd and declares, “I heard him first, so I get the piece!” As usual the order was misinterpreted. Then there was much bickering about who was in charge, who had the most time in and other inconsequential stuff that all warriors of every era argued about. Just as a Louisville Slugger began waving in the air above the crowd Santa Gunny yelled, (now Santa Gunny had more powers than even Mac O’Mighty so the whole lot of them shut up.....even Caticus) “I rebuketh the whole lot of you! Thy shall have PEACE. Be quite and behold thy good fortunes at least for one day. Thy WILL find some bit of love in thy hearts. And for those in the back row trying to surge toward the wimmin, thy shall have peace of MIND and enjoy the gift of life for at least a day.

And they were spellbound as the Old Santa Gunny climbed into his conveyance and flew into the night yelling, without cursing! Semper Fidelis to all!

Then they all just shuffled about looking at the ground, occasionally looking up to smile at each other. And mumbling “peace” and other good stuff

Semper Fidelis,
Corporal Royal P.I.T.A.

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created: Dec 26, 2003